^GINGER 
CUBES 

by 
..'CHRISTOPHER  MORLEY 

'  I.  !'.  . 


Reprinfed  how 
THE  BC 
New  York  Evening  Post 


THE  BOWLING    GREEN 

OF        THE 


U'fl 


is  tender  homily  is  dedicated  to 
(but  not  aimed  at) 

DANIEL  HENDERSON 

in  conference  with  rohom  while  sitting  at  lunch 
it  was  first  conceived 


2O  VESEY  STREET 
NEW  YORK  CITY 

APRIL.  1922 


COPYRIGHT  1922.  BY  NEW  YORK  EVENING  POST,  INC 
ALL  RIGHTS  RESERVED  BY  THE  AUTHOR 


M170674 


[A   letter  from  the  Proprietor   of  the  Ginger  Cubes  to  his 
Advertising  Manager,  who   is   ill  in  hospital.] 

Dear  Russell:  When  I  heard  that  you  had  been 
taken  to  the  hospital  with  a  badly  dislocated  sense  of 
proportion  and  exhaustion  of  the  adjective  secre 
tions,  I  was  worried.  The  doctor  said  that  you  were 
suffering  from  a  severe  attack  of  deprecation  and 
under-statement,  and  I  feared  that  would  mean  you 
would  be  quite  unfit  to  help  me  in  the  forthcoming 
campaign  for  Ginger  Cubes.  But  I  hear  now  that  a 
few  weeks  of  silence  and  relaxation  will  bring  you 
round.  I  have  ordered  the  "Police  Gazette"  and 
"The  Nation"  to  be  sent  you.  Each  in  its  own  way 
is  highly  entertaining. 

In  our  last  conference,  just  before  you  were  taken 
ill,  you  tried  with  your  usual  energy  and  bullheaded 
vitality  to  persuade  me  to  say  a  word  about  the 
Ginger  Cubes  at  the  Paperhangers  Convention.  You 
made  a  great  deal  of  the  point  that  this  would  be  a 
vast  gathering,  and  that  it  would  be  excellent  busi 
ness  for  me  to  give  them  a  "message." 

I  ask  you  to  meditate  this  thought :  give  me  a  small 
group  of  folks  who  are  more  or  less  interested  in 
the  same  sort  of  thing  that  I  am,  and  I  will  "talk  my 
head  off."  But  speaking  to  large,  miscellaneous 
audiences,  many  of  whom  are  only  incubating  there 
to  pass  away  the  time  until  the  theaters  open,  is  my 
idea  of  loss  of  compression. 

We  have  appropriated  a  fine  promotion  budget 
for  the  Ginger  Cubes,  but  I  arn  holding  up  any  action 
until  I  can  argue  the  situation  with  you.  About 


newspaper  advertising,  for  instance — I  want  your 
,  ;  ,  opinion  as  to  the  papers  which  are  read  ( 1 )  most 
carefully,  (2)  by  the  class  of  people  to  whom  the 
Ginger  Cubes  are  likely  to  appeal,  (3)  at  the  time 
of  day  when  their  minds  (and  palates)  are  recep 
tive — i.  e.,  morning  or  evening?  For  instance,  do 
you  think  that  people  will  be  likely  to  be  tempted 
by  the  Cubes  in  the  morning,  just  after  breakfast? 
I  think  not.  I  believe  that  the  evening,  in  that 
faintness  and  debility  that  are  supposed  to  attack 
office-workers  on  their  way  home  (especially  in  the 
subway)  is  the  psychological  zero  hour  for  the 
Ginger  Cubes. 

Miss  Balboa,  to  whom  I  am  dictating  this,  says 
that  she  never  noticed  any  sign  of  weakness  or  lack 
of  energy  in  the  evening  rush  on  the  subway.  I 
believe  it  is  worth  while  to  get  the  feminine  reaction 
on  this  matter  before  we  make  any  decisions.  One 
thing  I  have  always  regretted  about  you  as  an  Adver 
tising  Manager  is  that  you  are  not  married.  Wives 
are  often  very  helpful  in  these  questions  of  merchan 
dising  strategy.  But  perhaps  you  can  question  some 
of  the  nurses  at  the  hospital  and  get  their  reaction. 

In  regard  to  these  mediums,  the  question  of  cir 
culation  does  not  cut  any  ice  in  my  cynical  and 
querulous  mind.  It  is  not  a  matter  of  circulation, 
but  of  penetration,  that  excites  me. 

The  chemical  laboratory  reports  that  the  Cubes 
will  positively  have  a  soothing  and  tonic  effect  upon 
the  digestive  organs,  and  that  we  are  justified  in  say 
ing  so.  Unfortunately  they  say  that  the  Cubes  can 
not  possibly  be  of  any  Value  in  combating  "py°r- 
rhea,"  so  we  cannot  go  riding  on  the  other  folks' 


toothpaste    copy.     For    your    amusement,    I    have 
thought  up  this  slogan : 


Why  Not  Invest  in 

A  New  Intestine? 

TRY  GINGER  CUBES 


Which  is  probably  too  startling.  But  anyhow,  when 
we  have  decided,  I  wish  our  copy  to  be  Cumulative, 
Concise,  and  Continuous.  Then,  ho  for  the  Ginger 
Cubes! 

Yours, 

NICHOLAS  RIBSTONE, 
President  The  Ginger  Cubes  Corporation. 
N.R./D.B. 


II. 

[A  letter  from  the  Proprietor  of  the  Ginger  Cubes  to  his 
Advertising  Manager,  who  is  ill  in  hospital.] 

Dear  Russell :  I  am  glad  to  hear  from  Dr.  Nichevo 
that  you  are  doing  well.  He  reports  that  in  your 
delirium  you  had  visions  of  nothing  but  full  page 
insertions,  so  I  realize  that  you  must  have  been  a 
very  sick  man.  I  am  glad  you  are  coming  out  of  it. 
The  Doctor  says  that  a  little  quiet  meditation  on  busi 
ness  problems  will  help  to  bring  you  back  to  "nor 
malcy." 

So  you  might  think  this  over.  I  have  just  been 
telling  the  boys  at  our  conference  this  morning  that 
I  want  our  advertising  matter  for  the  Ginger  Cubes 
to  be  distinguished.  IVe  been  much  impressed,  for 


'Some  suggestive  layouts  that  make  my  head  spin.' 


instance,  by  those  ads  that  Childs  restaurants  have 
been  running  for  some  time,  in  which  they  make  use 
of  historians,  philosophers,  poets,  and  what  not,  to 
introduce  the  topic  of  food.  I  (am  wondering 
whether,  in  your  extensive  reading,  you  have  come 
across  any  literature  in  which  Ginger  or  Cubes  have 
been  written  about  in  a  pleasing,  sentimental  strain? 
Miss  Balboa  thinks  that  Shakespeare  said  something 
about  Ginger  being  "hot  in  the  mouth,"  but  I  am  a 
little  afraid  of  that  word  hot.  How  about 


These  Cubes  from  the  South 
Are  Warm  in  the  Mouth 


What  I  want  you  to  do  is  tell  me  what  the  resources 
of  literature  'are  in  the  way  of  quotations  about 
Ginger. 

Some  of  the  boys  are  much  taken  by  a  suggestion 
that  has  come  in  from  the  Gray  Matter  Advertising 
Agency,  who  somehow  got  wind  of  our  plans.  Mr. 
Gray,  the  Psychology  Director  of  Gray  Matter 
Agency,  wants  us  to  mark  the  cubes  with  little  spots 
of  white  sugar,  so  that  they  look  like  dice.  Here's 
the  joker:  he  wants  us  to  pack  them  in  little  boxes 
in  which  half  the  cubes  will  be  marked  as  five-spots 
and  half  as  deuces,  using  the  slogan,  They  Always 
Turn  Up  Seven. 

That  seems  to  me  a  bit  complicated,  but  I  must 
admit  that  I'm  rather  struck  by  the  idea  of  advertis 
ing  the  Cubes  as  Digestive  Dice.  I'm.  having  the  idea 
of  marking  them  with  sugar  spots  looked  into,  to  see 


what  it  will  cost.  I  visualize  a  subway  poster  show 
ing  the  cubes  tumbling  out  of  a  dice  shaker,  with  the 
words  Throw  These  for  Good  Health.  Do  you  think 
that  is  too  distinctly  masculine  an  appeal?  But  think 
of  getting  this  idea  across  to  the  lunching  public,  of 
always  carrying  a  box  of  the  Ginger  Cubes  in  their 
vest  pocket  (we  could  have  the  box  shaped  like  a 
Irttle  dice-shaker,  hey?),  they  can  use  them  to  throw 
for  who  is  to  pay  the  check,  and  then  eat  them.  Can 
you  put  that  thought  in  twelve  words? 

What  a  pity  that  neither  of  us  is  married,  and  has 
no  wife  to  fall  back  on  for  advice  in  this  delicate 
matter.  Miss  Balboa,  my  new  stenographer,  thinks 
that  women  would  not  be  attracted  by  this  gambling 
note;  she  says  that  women  are  born  Dutch-treaters, 
and  do  not  fall  for  the  idea  of  settling  the  lunch- 
check  by  mere  chance.  Please  see  what  the  hos 
pital  nurses  think  about  this. 

This  man  Gray,  from  the  Gray  Matter  Agency, 
is  a  whirlwind.  He  has  shot  in  some  suggestive  lay 
outs  for  car-cards  that  make  my  head  spin.  These 
are  some  of  his  inspirations — 


Digestive   Dice 

Mean  Luck  for  the  Liver 

TRY  GINGER  CUBES 


For  a  Chew  in  the  Tubes 
Choose  Ginger  Cubes 


10 


And  he  has  doped  out  a  map  showing  the  whole 
digestive  apparatus  laid  out  like  a  subway  system, 
and  the  Ginger  Cubes  keep  traffic  moving. 

All  this  seems  to  me  a  bit  too  unconventional, 
although  I  confess  I  am  amused  by  the  originality. 
Tell  me  what  your  reaction  is.  I'm  sending  you 
some  of  the  Cubes  to  distribute  among  the  nurses. 

Yours, 

NICHOLAS  RIBSTONE, 
President  The  Ginger  Cubes  Corporation. 
N.R./D.B. 

III. 

[A  letter  from  Miss  Candida  Cumnor,  one  of  the  nurses 
at  the  Hippocrates  Hospital,  to  Mr.  Nicholas  Ribstone,  pres 
ident  of  the  Ginger  Cubes  Corporation.} 

Dear  Mr.  Ribstone:  Poor  Mr.  Russell  is  still  very 
weak,  and  has  not  been  able  to  write  to  you  himself. 
Dr.  Nichevo  says  that  he  has  never  seen  a  more  inter 
esting  case  of  complete  exhaustion  of  the  salesman 
ship  glands.  He  thinks  that  the  patient  must  have 
been  under  a  very  severe  strain  for  a  long  time  pre 
ceding  the  breakdown.  I  gathered  from  what  Mr. 
Russell  said  in  his  period  of  delirium  that  he  had 
been  trying  to  sell  by  mail  order  a  complete  set  of 
Tolstoy's  works,  but  by  some  mistake  had  bought 
the  wrong  mailing  list  from  one  of  the  houses  that 
deal  in  such  things.  They  gave  him  a  list  of  mem 
bers  of  the  Ku  Klux  Klan,  and  the  returns  on  his 
effort  were  so  disheartening  that  it  broke  him  all  up. 
He  was  very  queer  for  a  while.  But  one  delusion 
helped  a  great  deal.  He  had  a  fixed  idea  that  the 
temperature  chart  at  the  end  of  his  bed  was  a  sales 

11 


graph,  and  the  more  peaks  there  were  in  it  the  better 
he  was  pleased,  for  he  thought  that  at  last  the 
K.  K.  K.  were  beginning  to  fall  for  Tolstoy. 

At  any  rate,  he  is  much  better  now,  and  asks  me 
to  write  to  you  for  him.  I  must  say  that  I  think  you 
picked  a  fine  Advertising  Manager  for  your  Ginger 
Cubes:  I  have  never  seen  such  an  enthusiastic  fel 
low.  The  specimen  drawings  for  car  cards  that  you 
sent  him  are  pinned  up  on  a  screen  beside  the  bed, 
and  he  hardly  takes  his  eyes  off  them.  He  has  had 
all  the  nurses  in  the  ward  munching  the  Ginger 
Cubes,  or  Digestive  Dice  as  he  likes  to  call  them,  and 
is  asking  me  to  make  a  note  of  their  opinions.  He 
says  he  plans  an  interesting  lay-out  under  the  caption 

COMMENTS  OF  THE  MEDICAL  PROFESSION 

ON  THE  GINGER  CUBES. 

I  must  admit  that  I  find  the  Cubes  very  tasty  and 
refreshing. 

To  show  you  that  he  is  really  picking  up,  I  will 
tell  you  that  this  morning  he  asked  me  to  send  out  to 
the  nearest  newsstand  for  a  number  of  magazines 
and  papers,  which  he  has  been  looking  through  with 
close  attention.  He  brightened  up  very  much  when 
he  found  a  copy  of  a  new  magazine  called  "The  In 
ternational  Interpreter."  He  says  for  you  to  be  sure 
to  get  hold  of  it,  as  it  is  edited  by  a  very  clever  man 
called  Frederick  Dixon  and  contains  a  poem  about 
Ginger.  He  asked  me  to  copy  down  one  stanza,  as 
it  might  be  useful  for  "copy" — 

A  merest  little  box  of  tin, 

But  sharp  of  tongue  are  the  spirits  that  wait, 

Bewrapped  in  their  sugary  garments  within, 
Spirits  of  ginger,  dryly  sedate. 

12 


He  says  he  thinks  it  is  a  good  omen  that  in  its  very 
first  issue  this  magazine  should  have  a  poem  about 
Ginger. 

But  I  must  not  deceive  you.  In  spite  of  his  en 
thusiasm  he  is  still  very  weak,  and  it  will  take  a  lot 
of  building  up  before  his  merchandising  centers  are 
up  to  par.  It  would  do  no  harm  if  you  were  to  send 
him  some  stimulating  books  to  read,  such  as  Orison 
Swett  Marden  or  Dr.  Crane. 

By  the  way,  Mr.  Ribstone,  some  one  in  your  office 
has  made  a  mistake  in  addressing  letters  to  this  hos 
pital,  the  name  of  which  is  not  Hypocrites  but  Hip 
pocrates;  the  spelling  is  nearly  the  same  but  the  pro 
nunciation  is  different,  after  the  name  of  a  famous 
doctor  of  old  times.  Now  I  must  draw  to  an  end, 
for  the  patient  needs  attention;  this  is  a  long  letter 
but  he  wanted  you  to  know  all  about  him. 

Yours  sincerely, 

CANDIDA  CUMNOR. 


IV. 

[A    telegram  from   the  National  Drug   Novelties   Company 
to  Nicholas  Ribstone.] 

Chicago,  April  11,   1922. 

Hear  interesting  rumor  about  new  lozenge  Ginger 
Cubes  to  be  marketed  by  you  would  you  consider 
entrance  of  outside  capital  in  this  venture  or  sell  out 
right  trade  name  formula  and  goodwill  Believe  you 
have  a  winner. 

EDWARD    GARTENBAUM, 
President  National  Drug  Novelties. 

13 


V. 

[A  telegram  from  Nicholas  Ribstone,  president  of  the  Gin 
ger  Cubes  Corporation,  to  Edward  Gartenbaum  of  the  Na 
tional  Drug  Novelties  Company.] 

Decline  discuss  selling  interest  in  Ginger  Cubes 
distribution  plans  perfected  watch  our  smoke. 

RIBSTONE. 
VI. 

[A  memorandum  sent  to  heads  of  departments  of  the  Na 
tional  Drug  Novelties  Company,  Chicago.] 

OFFICE  BULLETIN  No.  38946  (Series  B). 
Minutes  of  Conference  Held  in  Directors'  Room,   April    12. 

Mr.  Gartenbaum  reported  that  he  had  had  a  tele 
gram  from  Ribstone  declining  assistance  in  financing 
the  Ginger  Cubes.  Mr.  Gartenbaum  thought  the 
matter  important  enough  to  warrant  calling  the  di 
rectors  together.  Was  it  possible  that  Ribstone  had 
access  to  new  sources  of  capital  hitherto  unemployed 
in  the  drug  trade?  This  seemed  unlikely  in  view  of 
their  own  recent  canvass .  Mr.  G.  asked  Mr.  O'Keefe, 
who  had  just  come  back  from  New  York,  whether 
he  had  been  able  to  find  out  anything  definite  about 
the  plans  for  Ginger  Cubes 

Mr.  O'Keefe  said  that  he  had  found  the  trade 
greatly  interested  in  the  rumors  that  had  been  cur 
rent.  It  was  said  everywhere  that  Ribstone  had  got 
hold  of  a  formula  that  was  a  knockout,  and  that  the 
Ginger  Cubes  had  caused  more  talk  in  pharmacist 
and  confectionery  circles  than  anything  since  the 
Smith  Brothers  sold  their  razors.  He  had  not  been 
able  to  get  any  very  definite  dope  about  the  distri 
bution  plans,  but  it  was  common  talk  that  Ribstone 
intended  to  spend  half  a  million  in  the  New  York 
newspapers.  He  had  heard  that  the  Gray  Matter 

14 


Advertising  Agency  wa$  to  handle  the  account.  Mr. 
O'Keefe  said  that  Mr.  Gray  was  an  old  friend  of  his, 
but  going  to  Gray's  office  to  inquire  he  found  the 
reception  room  so  choked  with  solicitors  from  the 
newspapers  that  he  did  not  wait. 

Mr.  Oldham  asked  if  this  man  Ribstone  had  had 
previous  experience  in  the  drug  specialty  line  which 
would  warrant  their  believing  he  could  make  a  go 
of  the  so-called  Ginger  Cubes. 

Mr.  Gartenbaum  said  that  Ribstone  had  had  no 
experience  in  that  field,  so  far  as  he  knew,  but  that 
he  was  a  very  clever  merchandiser  and  had  done  big 
things  with  the  Ribstone  Memory  Course  several 
years  ago. 

Professor  Devonshire  of  the  laboratory  depart 
ment  was  called  upon  to  ask  if  he  had  any  idea  what 
the  formula  of  the  Ginger  Cubes  might  be,  and 
whether  it  could  be  easily  duplicated  or  improved. 
Professor  Devonshire  said  that,  speaking  as  a  chem 
ist,  ginger  had  many  possibilities  as  a  popular  drug 
staple,  that  its  principal  constituents  are  starch,  vol 
atile  oil,  and  resin ;  that  it  has  carminative  and  purga 
tive  values,  especially  for  dyspepsia  and  flatulence, 
and  is  helpful  for  seasickness,  headache,  and  tooth 
ache.  He  said  that  as  soon  as  the  Cubes  themselves 
were  on  the  market  he  could  analyze  them  and  sug 
gest  a  variation  in  the  formula. 

Mr.  O'Keefe  said  that  he  had  tried  to  get  hold  of 
some  of  the  Cubes,  but  that  they  were  being  care 
fully  kept  under  cover.  He  believed  that  Ribstone's 
plans  were  still  in  the  air  until  his  advertising  man, 
Russell,  was  out  of  hospital. 

15 


Mr.  Gartenbaum  asked  if  Mr.  Russell  was  in  hos 
pital  because  he  had  been  trying  some  of  the  Gin 
ger  Cubes. 

Mr.  Oldham  said  that  he  had  been  greatly  im 
pressed  by  the  amount  of  gossip  in  the  trade  about 
the  Ginger  Cubes,  but  he  believed  the  value  of  the 
thing  lay  not  in  any  unique  formula  but  in  the  clever 
ness  of  the  name  Ginger  Cubes,  and  particularly  the 
additional  name  Digestive  Dice. 

Mr.  Gartenbaum  agreed  and  submitted  it  to  the 
meeting  that  it  would  be  well  worth  while  to  ride  on 
Ribstone's  effort  by  putting  out  a  similar  product 
with  an  equally  catchy  name.  He  instanced  the  way 
Eskimo  Pie  was  followed  immediately  by  a  dozen 
imitations,  all  very  nearly  as  successful. 

Mr.  Sombre  of  the  Promotion  Department  asked 
if  Mr.  Gartenbaum  had  thought  of  any  name  as 
appealing  as  Ginger  Cubes. 

Mr.  Gartenbaum  admitted  he  hadn't,  but  said  that 
his  mind  was  working  on  this  matter  and  the  only 
thing  he  had  thought  of  so  far  was  Ginger  Blocks. 

Mr.  Sombre  said  he  thought  that  was  too  similar 
to  Ginger  Cubes  and  might  mean  legal  proceedings. 

Mr.  O'Keefe  suggested  Tingling  Squares. 

After  a  good  deal  of  discussion,  Mr.  Gartenbaum 
adjourned  the  meeting,  ordering  these  minutes  to 
be  sent  confidentially  to  heads  of  departments.  An 
other  conference  to  be  held  to-morrow  at  which  sug 
gestions  for  a  rival  name  \*  ould  be  brought  in. 

By  E.  K.  R., 

Stenographer. 

16 


VII. 

[A   letter  from  Allan  Russell,  Advertising  Manager   of  the 
Ginger  Cubes  Corporation,  to   Nicholas  Ribstone.] 

Hippocrates  Hospital,  April  1 4. 

Dear  Boss,  I'm  still  a  bit  seedy  but  am  getting  bet 
ter  every  minute  thanks  to  the  care  these  "good  peo 
ple"  have  taken  of  me.  This  is  my  first  letter  and  it 
will  have  to  be  short.  Just  wanted  to  say  that  if  you 
still  need  an  assistant  in  the  office  I'd  like  to  recom 
mend  Miss  Cumnor,  one  of  the  nurses  here,  who  has 
been  taking  care  of  me.  She  is  tired  of  the  nursing 
job  and  wants  to  get  into  a  "business  position."  Cer 
tainly  she's  a  mighty  capable  girl  and  her  medical 
knowledge  would  be  of  great  value  to  us  in  market 
ing  the  Cubes.  She  is  2  3  years  old  and  ambitious. 

I'll  be  out  of  here  pretty  soon  now,  I  hope,  and  am 
keen  to  get  into  the  thick  of  the  fight  for  the  good 
old  Cubes. 

Yours  always 

RUSSELL 


17 


VIII.  ; 

[A  letter  from  Nicholas  Ribstone  to  Allan  Russell.] 

GINGER   CUBES   CORPORATION 

Nicholas  Ribstone,  Executive    Offices  ~  „       AJ, 

President.  Cable  Address: 

Theodore  Carbo,  2216    Duane   Street  n.        , 

Vice-President.  KT  w  Y     I-  Umcubes 

Arthur  MacCready,  New  York 

Treasurer. 
Simon  Haggard, 

Secretary. 
Allan    Russell, 

Advertising  Mgr. 

April  14,  1922. 

Dear  Russell:  Here  are  our  letterheads.  How  do 
you  like  them?  I  am  sending  some  to  the  hospital 
so  you  can  use  them  for  any  letters  you  may  need  to 
write.  Show  them  to  the  nurses  and  get  their  reac 
tion.  The  mare  they  circulate,  the  better. 

This  is  just  to  tell  you  that  I  am  going  out  of  town 
for  a  little  rest  over  the  week-end  We  have  got 
things  pretty  well  lined  up  so  far.  I  shall  be  glad 
when  you  get  back  so  we  can  visit  together  for  I 
want  your  advice.  You  understarid  advertising  men 
better  than  I  do,  I  guess.  To  me,  a  great  deal  of  their 
jargon  is  a  mystery.  What,  for  instance,  do  you 
think  of  the  enclosed  one  that  has  just  come  to  me 
from  the  Gray  Matter  Agency?  Does  it  mean 
anything? 

Miss  Balboa,  by  the  way,  is  somewhat  upset  by  a 
remark  made  by  your  Miss  Cumnor,  about  our  error 
in  spelling  the  name  of  the  Hospital.  I'm  afraid  the 
mistake  was  due  to  my  wrong  pronunciation,  which 
she  misunderstood. 

As  ever, 

NICHOLAS  RIBSTONE. 
N.R./D.B. 

(End.) 

18 


IX. 

[Enclosure,  sent  by  Mr.  Ribstone  to  Mr.  Russell,   being  a 
letter  from  the  Gray  Matter  Advertising  Agency.] 

My  Dear  Mr.  Ribstone:  Obviously  you  intend, 
ultimately  at  any  rate,  to  have  a  nation-wide,  or  even 
world-wide,  distribution  for  the  Ginger  Cubes.  You 
are  going  to  need  a  large  merchandising  staff.  I 
wish  to  enlist  your  interest  in  our  newly  created 
Department  of  Salesmanizing.  Let  us  train  your 
representatives  before  they  go  on  the  road,  and  instil 
into  the  personnel  just  those  qualities  of  enthusiasm 
and  confidence  that  go  to  make  not  mere  salesmen, 
but  Ambassadors  of  Commerce. 

I  solicit  the  pleasure  of  convincing  you  on  this 
topic;  in  the  meantime  let  me  briefly  state  the  nut 
shell  of  our  theory. 

In  our  Salesmanizing  School,  which  is  really  a  kind 
of  Graduate  College  of  the  Selling  Arts,  we  seek  to 
drive  out  from  the  student  all  negative  and  minus 
thoughts,  ideas  of  possible  failure,  business  depres 
sion,  etc.,  and  to  substitute  robust  energizing  con 
cepts,  positive  and  plus  in  their  nature.  Many  a  man 
has  come  to  us  doubtful  about  his  own  selling  abili 
ties,  doubtful  about  the  general  condition  of  trade, 
doubtful  about  economics  and  literature  and  even 
theology.  When  they  leave  us,  after  a  three  weeks' 
course  under  Mr.  Harvey  K.  Tidaholm,  they  have 
pronounced  convictions. 

You  wish  to  have  your  product — the  Ginger 
Cubes — ma'rketed  swiftly,  cleanly,  universally.  There 

19 


'I  will  confer  with  you  as  soon  as  I  am  reurbanized. 


are    four   steps    in    this    process.      The    commodity 
must  be 

( 1 )  Institutionalized 

(2)  Publicized 

(3)  Distributionized 

(4)  Internationalized 

To  bring  this  about,  your  representative  personnel 
must  be 

(a)  Humanized  1 

(b)  Stabilized     l^SALESMANIZED 

(c)  Energized      J 

It  is  on  such  matters  as  these  that  Consumer  Pref 
erence  and  Dealer  Convictionability  are  based. 

I  should  like  very  much  to  have  our  Mr.  Harvey 
K.  Tidaholm  discuss  this  matter  with  you.  I  know 
that  your  reaction  will  be  enthusiastic. 

Yours  faithfully, 

GEO.    W.    GRAY, 
Technical  Director,  Gray  Matter  Advertising  Service. 

X. 

[A  letter  from  Nicholas  Ribstone  to  George  W.  Gray.] 
Dear  Mr.  Gray:  I  am  just  leaving  town  for  a  few 
days  rest.  All  decisions  have  been  postponized  until 
my  advertising  manager  returns.  He  is  now  hos 
pitalized.  I  will  confer  with  you  as  soon  as  I  am 
reurbanized. 

Yours  truly, 
(Signed,  in  absence,  with  rubber  stamp.) 

NICHOLAS  RIBSTONE. 
N.R./D.B. 

21 


XL 

[An    article    in    LOZENGE    AND    PASTILLE,    the    tveekly 
trade  journal  of  the  throat  tablet  trade.] 

THE  VALUE  OF  THE  CUBICAL  FORM  FOR 
MEDICATED  CANDIES 


By  Ben   F.   Menthol, 
Secretary  of  National  Lozenge  Men's  Chamber  of  Commerce. 

A  great  deal  of  talk  has  been  roused  in  lozenge 
circles  by  the  formation  of  the  Ginger  Cubes  Corpo 
ration,  to  manufacture  and  distribute  a  new  product 
called  the  Ginger  Cubes.  Mr.  Nicholas  Ribstone,  the 
head  of  the  enterprise,  while  reticent  as  to  details, 
admits  that  he  hopes  to  spring  a  surprise  on  the 
world  of  bronchial  tablets  and  breath-perfumers. 
We  understand  that  the  Ginger  Cubes,  while  more 
in  the  general  nature  of  a  confection  than  a  medical 
preparation,  are  based  on  a  careful  pharmacal  for 
mula,  and  will  go  before  the  public  on  an  appeal  at 
least  partly  therapeutic. 

But  what  interests  us  is,  that  Mr.  Ribstone's  ven 
ture  again  brings  up  the  necessity  of  standardizing 
the  shape  of  the  medicated  sweet,  if  lozenge  men 
are  ever  to  get  back  to  genuine  prosperity.  At  present 
the  lozenge  and  jujube  world  is  in  a  state  of  wild 
disorder  and  lack  of  intelligent  co-operation.  Post 
war  deflation  has  not  been  followed  by  anything  con 
structive.  Lozenge  men  are  cutting  one  another's 
throats  instead  of  healing  the  public's.  Mr.  Rib- 
stone,  unconsciously,  has  put  his  finger  on  a  vital 
spot  in  the  lozenge  industry. 

22 


Hitherto  the  trade  has  manufactured  its  products 
mainly  in  four  shapes: 

( 1 )  Square  tablet 

(2)  Round  tablet 

(3)  Spherical 

(4)  Oval 

It  will  be  evident,  however,  that  for  close  packing 
and  neat  appearance,  the  cube  is  undoubtedly  an 
attractive  shape.  It  is  well  worth  consideration  on 
the  part  of  the  trade  whether  a  general  adoption 
of  the  cube  would  not  be  advantageous.  More 
over,  a  great  economy  could  be  effected  by  standard 
izing  cartons  and  containers.  How  can  the  present 
debilitating  fluctuations  be  ironed  out  while  the 
whole  industry  is  proceeding  on  a  basis  of  mere 
individualism?  We  do  not  wish  to  disparage  com 
petition,  which  is  the  life  of  trade,  but  to  advocate 
a  higher  form  of  co-operating  competition.  The 
lozenge  trade  owes  it  as  a  duty  to  humanity  to  take 
its  part  in  the  general  stabilizing  and  soothing  move 
ment.  The  inflamed  throat  of  Commerce  can  never 
be  healed  until  lozenge  men  get  together.  There  is 
no  reason  why  the  breath-sweetener  clique  should 
be  so  jealous  of  the  digestive  wing,  both  suspicious 
of  larynx  and  bronchial  men.  We  hope  that  at  the 
convention  in  June  these  matters  can  be  taken  up 
and  constructively  dealt  with. 

23 


XII. 

[A   letter  front  Mr.  Gray  of  the  Gray  Matter  Advertising 
Agency  to  Nicholas  Ribstone,  proprietor  of  the  Ginger  Cubes.} 

My  Dear  Mr.  Ribstone:  I  do  not  wish  to  seem  too 
insistent,  but  I  am  so  interested  in  the  success  of  the 
Ginger  Cubes  that  I  feel  it  is  my  duty  to  inform  you 
of  the  tested  methods  in  which  prosperity  has  been 
attained  by  other  manufacturers. 

I  am  so  confident  of  your  eventually  deciding  to 
place  your  advertising  account  in  our  hands  that  I 
went  ahead  last  week  and  had  our  Laboratory  of 
Merchandising  Survey  conduct  a  preliminary  clinic 
in  the  local  field.  Of  course,  you  understand  that 
you  are  not  obligated  in  any  way;  but  I  felt  that  this 
was  the  most  useful  mode  of  helping  you  to  envisage 
your  problem. 

Just  a  word  about  our  Merchandising  Survey 
work,  which  is  headed  by  Mr.  Henry  W.  Geniall. 
Mr.  Geniall  is  a  man  who  knows  how  to  talk  to 
dealers  in  their  own  language;  he  is  a  born  sales 
engineer.  He  began  selling  in  1  892  and  has  never 
stopped ;  though  now  he  sells  service  instead  of  com 
modities.  He  is  the  author  of  a  book  which  has  run 
through  fifteen  editions,  including  the  Scandinavian, 
entitled  "How  to  Meet  and  Dominate  Your  Fellow 
Men/'  an  autographed  copy  of  which  I  am  having 
forwarded  to  you. 

The  principle  of  our  Merchandising  Survey  is  to 
conduct  a  preliminary  investigation  of  markets,  in  a 
representative  field  and  on  the  highest  plane  of  de 
tached  observation.  Our  Merchandising  Surveyors 
are  not  to  be  confused  with  the  street  men  employed 

24 


by  the  less  professional  agencies.  Most  of  them  are 
college  graduates;  they  are  so  tactful  and  genteel 
that  they  are  welcomed  by  the  dealers  as  valuable 
counsellors  and  co-operators;  very  often  they  are 
asked  to  stay  to  supper. 

The  survey  we  conducted  shows  conclusively  that 
there  is  going  to  be  a  big  market  for  Ginger  Cubes 
if  they  are  well  publicized.  We  drew  up  the  inclosed 
printed  blank  and  questionnaired  1  00  druggists  in 
the  uptown  section,  just  as  a  preliminary  test.  I 
have  selected  the  inclosed  at  random  from  the  re 
turns,  to  show  you  the  kind  of  thing.  The  others 
are  being  bound  in  a  folder,  which  I  will  have  much 
pleasure  to  lay  before  you  on  your  return  to  the 
office,  together  with  a  tabulated  analysis. 

It  is  a  pleasure  to  be  able  to  put  at  your  disposal 
all  the  resources  of  Gray  Matter  Service. 
Faithfully  yours, 

GEO.    W.    GRAY, 
Technical  Director,  Gray  Matter  Advertising  Service. 

XIII. 

[Confidential  Report  of  an  interview  with  a  druggist  by  a 
MercJiandising  Surveyor  from  the  Gray  Matter  Advertising 
Agency.'] 

INTERVIEW 

Name — Higgly-Piggly  Drug  Store. 
Address — 673  Sunnyside  Ave. 
Type  of  Store — Chain. 

Party  Interviewed — J.  K.  Liquorice,  Mgr. 
Subject  of  Interview — Ginger  Cubes  Canvass. 
Approachtalk   Used — General   Co-operation    No.    3, 
as  per  Mr.  Geniall's  suggestion. 

25 


What  Brands  of  the  following  Does  Dealer  Sell— 
(List  in  order  of  popularity)  : 

Throat  Tablets — Roko,  Southern  Soothers,  Tua- 
sicules. 

Cough  Drops — Lady  Larynx,  Lotos  Cones. 

Confectionery  Laxatives — Sugar  Chew,  Casca- 
rilla. 

Appetizer  Lozenges — Paprika  Pastilles,  Curli 
cues. 

Digestive  Tablets — Stowaways,  Cul  de  Sacs. 

Medicated  Candies — Sweeto,  Spicy  Chiplets, 
Candoids. 

Breath  Purifiers — Balmozone,  Pineapple  Hints, 
Clover  Slices. 


To  What  Does  Dealer  Attribute  Success  of  These 
Best  Sellers?  Newspaper  Advertising. 

Does  He  Push  Any  Particular  Brands?  If  So, 
Which?  No  Answer. 

What  Methods  of  Manufacturers'  Promotion  Pro 
duces  Best  Result  for  the  Dealer?  Newspaper  Ad 
vertising. 

What  per  cent  of  his  customers  suffer  from  Sore 
Thoat?  Ten  per  cent,  in  winter. 

What  per  cent  from  bad  digestion?     No  answer. 

What  per  cent  from  cacopneumonia  (bad  breath)  ? 
No  answer. 

What  per  cent  prefer  a  doctor's  prescription  to  a 
patent  medicine?  Fifty  per  cent. 

What  does  Dealer  think  of  prospects  of  Ginger 
Cubes?  Excellent;  thinks  name  very  "catchy." 

26 


Does  Dealer  approve  the  subtitle  "Digestive  Dice?'" 
Yes. 

Will  He  Use  Window  Display  Material?     Sure. 

General  Remarks — Dealer  suggests  we  investigate 
what  effect  the  Ginger  Cubes  will  have  on  smokers' 
tongue;  says  ginger  bites  the  tongue  after  smoking, 
would  not  have  percentage  of  ginger  too  powerful. 

Name  of  Surveyor — Richmond  Brown* 

Analyzed  by  Henry  W.  Geniall. 

XIV. 

[A  letter  from  Allan  Russell,  Advertising  Manager  of  the 
Ginger  Cubes  Corporation,  to  his  employer,  Mr.  Nicholas  Rib- 
stoned] 

Hippocrates  Hospital,  April  18. 
Dear  Boss:  This  is  just  to  say  that  I  am  so  much 
better  I  expect  to  get  out  of  here  in  a  few  days,  and 
hope  to  be  back  "on  the  job"  next  week.  Dr. 
Nichevo  says  that  I  have  made  surprising  progress 
and  thinks  it  is  due  to  Miss  Cumnor's  fine  care.  She 
Is  certainly  some  nurse.  She  and  I  have  gone  over 
those  papers  you  sent  me,  from  the  Gray  Matter 
people,  very  carefully.  Miss  Cumnor's  reaction  is 
that  we  ought  to  go  slow  about  signing  up  with  them. 
She  thinks,  and  1  am  inclined  to  agree  with  her,  that 
they  talk  tripe.  By  the  way,  you  didn't  reply  to  my 
suggestion  about  our  giving  her  a  job  in  the  office. 
She  is  certainly  a  remarkable  woman. 

Yours  always, 

RUSSELL. 
27 


XV. 

[A  letter  from  Mr.  Nicholas  Ribstone  to  his  secretary,  Miss 
Daisy  Balboa.} 

Kill  Kare  Kountry  Klub,  Wayanda,  Conn.,  April  1  8. 

Dear  Miss  Balboa:  I  have  decided  to  stay  here  a 
few  days  longer  for  the  fishing.  Nothing  much  can 
be  done  in  the  office  until  Mr.  Russell  returns,  and  it 
just  happens  that  one  of  the  big  drug  jobbers  is 
staying  at  this  place  and  it  will  do  no  harm  for  me 
to  get  to  know  him  in  a  social  way.  Thanks  for 
telling  me  about  the  Gray  Matter  portfolio.  I  am 
interested  to  know  that  you  are  impressed  by  their 
enthusiasm.  But  every  one  is  enthusiastic  when 
they  go  out  fishing  for  a  big  one. 

Look  here,  instead  of  mailing  the  Gray  Matter 
stuff,  why  not  run  up  here  with  it  yourself?  I  will 
get  you  a  reservation  at  the  Bonhomie  Inn,  which 
is  near  this  club,  and  then  we  can  go  over  the  papers 
together.  There's  a  train  that  leaves  Grand  Central 
at  4:20.  The  little  change  would  do  you  good,  and 
there  are  several  matters  on  which  I  wish  to  get  your 
reaction. 

Sincerely  yours, 

NICHOLAS  RIBSTONE. 

XVI. 

[A  letter  from  Miss  Balboa  to  Mr.  Russell.} 
Dear  Mr.  Russell :  Mr.  Ribstone  is  still  away,  but 
I  am  going  up  to  the  country  this  afternoon  to  take 
him  some  papers,  including  your  letter  of  yesterday. 
We'll  all  be  mighty  glad  to  see  you  when  you  get 
back. 

Faithfully  yours, 

DAISY  BALBOA. 

28 


XVII. 

[A   letter  from  Mr.  Gray,  of  Gray  Matter  Service,  to  Mr. 
Ribstone,  proprietor  of  the  Ginger   Cubes.] 

My  Dear  Mr.  Ribstone:  I  was  glad  to  get  your 
note  from  Kill  Kare  Kountry  Klub,  and  to  hear  that 
you  have  been  taking  a  few  "days'  recreation.  You 
will  return,  I  am  confident,  much  refreshed  and  eager 
to  take  up  the  problems  that  confront  us. 

I  have  been  a  little  disappointed  at  not  getting  a 
definite  authorization  from  you  to  go  ahead  with  our 
plans.  We  have  had  tentative  advances  from  other 
possible  clients  in  this  same  general  field,  but  I  have 
put  them  off,  desiring  not  to  take  on  any  accounts 
that  might  possibly  conflict  with  the  Ginger  Cubes. 
To  be  perfectly  frank,  the  thing  that  has  appealed 
to  me  about  Ginger  Cubes  is  the  bully  opportunity 
for  public  service  in  a  big  way,  and  the  chance  to 
institutionalize  a  product  whose  possibilities  have 
filled  the  members  of  our  organization  with  unusual 
enthusiasm. 

Ever  since  we  first  began  talking  institutional  ad 
vertising  for  Ginger  Cubes,  a  real  thought  impres 
sion  has  been  epitomizing  itself  in  my  mind,  and  our 
Department  of  Cumulative  Service  has  been  giving 
the  matter  special  study  and  analytical  constructive 
investigation.  We  have  been  going  right  back  to 
fundamentals  on  this  proposition,  studying  the  dif 
ferent  sides  of  the  problem  along  all  its  different 
angles.  It  will  indeed  be  a  source  of  satisfaction  if 
we  are  accorded  the  opportunity  to  work  with  you. 
Our  Mr.  Geniall  was  saying  in  conference  yesterday 
"I  am  convinced  I  would  rather  be  associated  with 
the  Ginger  Cubes  Corporation  than  any  other  com 
pany  I  know  of,  because  what  I  have  heard  of  the 

29 


quality  of  men  that  make  up  that  organization  and 
the  quality  of  service  they  would  expect  convinces 
me  it  would  be  an  educative  experience  to  co-oper 
ate  with  that  firm.  The  product-attributes  of  their 
Ginger  Cubes  fill  me  with  enthusiasm,  and  I  feel 
that  if  they  were  our  clients  we  could  work  for  them 
as  personal  friends,  and  not  in  any  cold-blooded 
businesslike  fashion." 

That  is  the  way  we  want  you,  Mr.  Ribstone,  to> 
feel  towards  our  organization. 

It  is  not  our  desire  to  merely  build  a  number  of 
advertisements  which  may  be  combined  together  in 
a  more  or  less  connected  series  by  some  such  device 
as  art  treatment.  Art  is  all  very  well  as  a  hand 
maiden  of  advertising,  but  for  a  monumental  cam 
paign  you  need  the  inspiration  of  a  Big  Idea,  a  gen 
uinely  dominating  thought  that  will  clarionize  every 
piece  of  copy  and  tie  the  whole  together  in  a  culmi 
nating  increment  of  public  consciousness. 

Advertising  is  either  Product-Advertising  or  Insti 
tutional-Advertising.  The  functions  of  the  first  are 
obvious — 

A.  Function  is  to  sell  product 

B.  Means  of  accomplishment  are 

1 I )  Directly  presenting  the  product  to  the 
market 

(2)  Urging  the  market  to  accept  the  product 
But  Institutional-Advertising  is  far  more  psycho 
logical.      Here   enters  the  supreme  function  of  the 
merchandising  arts,  to  create  consumer  "good-will." 
This  may  be  defined  as  encouraging  consumer-be 
nevolence,  that  is,  educating  the  public  to  a  sense  of 
subjective  interest  in  the  entire  business,  and  a  con 
scious  awareness   of  benefit  therefrom.      A  feeling 

30 


of  friendly  satisfaction  engendered  by  Knowledge, 
Understanding  and  Appreciation  is  the  inception  of 
this  consumer-benevolence. 

The  various  factors  that  jointly  and  severally  enter 
into  these  great  merchandising  truths  I  will  not  insist 
upon.  But  it  would  give  me  great  satisfaction  if  you 
and  Mr.  Russell  would  meet  the  members  of  our  or 
ganization  and  talk  the  whole  matter  over  frankly 
and  fully.  Mr.  Russell  and  your  good  self  and  the 
writer  ought  to  get  together  in  the  near  future  for  a 
long,  serious  talk  on  the  whole  proposition.  We  could 
not  do  nearly  so  well  for  you  if  our  headquarters 
were  not  in  New  York,  where  we  can  have  daily  inti 
mate  conference  with  your  organization  headquar 
ters.  Our  psychological  director  for  the  Chicago 
Territory,  Mr.  Alfred  Ampere,  has  been  so  stimu 
lated  by  what  he  has  heard  of  your  plans,  that  he 
wires  me  asking  to  be  transferred  to  New  York  if  our 
proposition  goes  through.  I  am  inclined  to  favor 
appointing  him  as  chief  contact  man,  so  that  he  could 
be  summoned  at  any  time  within  twenty  minutes  if 
a  conference  were  called. 

The  objectives  are  all  clearly  defined,  and  we  are 
ready  to  go  to  work.  This  is  simply  to  assure  you  of 
my  own  personal  appreciation  of  the  splendid  energy 
and  fighting  spirit  your  organization  exhibits,  and  to 
hope  that  from  the  very  inception  of  the  Ginger 
Cubes  we  may  be  accorded  an  opportunity  to  coop 
erate  in  the  public  educationalization  which  is  the 
real  satisfaction  of  the  advertising  profession. 
Cordially  yours, 

GEO.  W.  GRAY, 
Technical  Director,  Gray  Matter  Advertising  Agency. 

31 


XVIII. 

[Story  in  the  New  York  Lews,  April  23,  written  by  the  star 
humorous   reporter.} 

CUPID  COMES  TO 

DOCTORS'  AID 


Hospital    Romance    Culminates 

In  Patient  Wedding 

Pretty  Nurse 

Allan  Russell,  advertising  man,  left  Hippocrates 
Hospital  yesterday  afternoon,  completely  cured  of  a 
stubborn  case  of  nervous  debility  that  at  first  puzzled 
the  doctors.  With  him,  in  a  taxicab,  was  Miss  Can 
dida  Cumnor,  one  of  the  nurses,  still  in  her  uniform. 
They  went  to  the  Little  Church  Around  the  Corner 
and  were  married.  After  the  ceremony  Mrs.  Russell 
took  her  husband's  temperature  with  a  clinical  ther 
mometer.  It  was  Centigrade  A,  or  whatever  the 
normal  reading  is.  She  did  not  test  his  pulse,  which 
was  probably  excusably  fluttered.  Even  a  hardened 
reporter,  who  horned  in  on  this  story  by  accident, 
was  stirred  by  the  sight  of  the  bride  in  her  crisp  white 
linen.  She  has  golden-bronzy  hair  and  indigo  eyes, 
or  they  looked  that  way  in  the  twilight  of  the  church. 
But  what's  the  use?  She  is  now  Mrs.  Russell. 

During  Mr.  Russell's  illness  Miss  Candida  had 
charge  of  the  case.  She  sympathized  with  his  busi 
ness  problems — Dr.  Nichevo,  the  Hippocrates  expert 
on  nervous  mechanics,  said  that  he  had  been  run 
down  by  too  constant  intercourse  with  advertising 
agencies.  She  took  his  temperature  soothingly  with 
that  cold  little  glass  tube.  But  what  she  took  away 

32 


with  one  hand  she  gave  back  with  the  other.  When 
her  pa'lrn  floated  like  a  water-lily  across  his  com 
merce-heated  brow  his  mind  grew  calm,  but  his 
heart  was  caloric.  As  he  became  stronger  she  as 
sisted  him  with  advertising  layouts,  which  were 
spread  on  the  bed,  and  they  pored  over  them  to 
gether.  Why  is  it,  we  wonder,  that  reporters  never 
have  time  to  be  taken  ill? 

Mr.  Russell  is  Advertising  Manager  of  the  Ginger 
Cubes  Corporation.  He  and  his  wife  expect  to 
spend  their  honeymoon  hunting  an  apartment. 

"Cupid  is  the  best  doctor,"  said  Mr.  Russell  as 
they  left  the  church.  "I  intend  to  keep  the  thermom- 


33 


XIX. 

[A  letter  from  Nicholas  Ribstone,  proprietor  of  the  Ginger 
Cubes,  to  Allan  Russell.] 

Bonhomie   Inn,   April   23. 

Dear  Russell:  Forgive  my  delay  in  writing,  but  I 
have  exciting  news  for  you.  Miss  Balboa  and  I  have 
decided  to  get  married.  You  know  that  I  have  al 
ways  felt  we  labored  under  a  handicap  in  not  being 
able  to  get  disinterested  feminine  reaction  on  the 
Cubes.  Miss  Balboa's  excellent  sense  will  be  a  great 
help.  I  dare  say  you  will  be  surprised — I  am,  my 
self.  I  had  thought  I  was  too  old  to  become  a  Bene 
dictine,  but  Miss  Balboa  has  quite  carried  me  off  my 
feet.  I  must  not  be  sentimental,  however.  We  are 
going  to  be  married  here,  to-morrow,  very  quietly. 

I  should  have  written  to  you  before  about  Miss 
Cumnor.  I  thought  rather  well  of  your  suggestion, 
but  Miss  Balboa  has  convinced  me  that  it  is  better 
not  to  add  to  our  staff  just  now,  at  any  rate  until  we 
get  things  going. 

I'm  sending  this  to  the  office,  as  I  guess  you  have 
left  the  hospital  by  now.  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Nicholas 
Ribstone  will  be  back  in  a  few  days. 

Yours  always, 

NICHOLAS  RIBSTONE. 


34 


XX. 

[Another  letter  from  Mr.  Ribstone.] 

Bonhomie  Inn,  April  24. 

Dear  Russell:  Just  got  your  wire.  Congratula 
tions!  It  reaches  me  on  the  brink  of  the  altar  my 
self.  My  Lord,  man,  you  should  have  tipped  me  off 
beforehand.  It  wasn't  necessary  for  both  of  us  to 
get  married  in  order  to  get  wifely  reactions  on  the 
Cubes.  If  I  had  known  sooner — but  anyhow,  it's 
all  arranged  now. 

Miss  Balboa  has  just  about  convinced  me  that  we 
will  do  well  to  accept  Gray  Matter's  proposition.  I 
wish  I  could  consult  you  about  this.  Perhaps  you 
had  better  get  in  touch  with  Gray  and  have  the 
papers  ready  for  signing  when  I  get  to  the  office. 

We  can  exchange  wedding  presents  later  on.  At 
the  moment  I'm  too  flustered  to  know  just  what  hap 
pens  next. 

Yours,  from  the  jumping-off  place, 

NICHOLAS  RIBSTONE. 


35 


XXI. 

[A   letter  from  Allan  Russell  to  an   old  friend,  known   to 
us  only  as  Bob.] 

Dear  Bob:  There's  the  devil  to  pay  in  this  office. 
I've  just  heard  that  old  Ribstone  has  married  Miss 
Balboa,  his  stenographer,  in  order  to  get  her  un 
biassed  reactions  on  business.  Now  I  know  very  well 
that  Candida  and  Mrs.  Balboa-Ribstone  will  never 
get  on  together.  The  Balboa  person,  for  instance, 
has  argued  old  Rib  into  believing  that  the  Gray 
Matter  stuff  is  real.  Candida  doesn't  fall  for  it, 
says  it's  the  bunk.  I  won't  go  on  as  Ad.  Mgr.  if 
Ribstone  accepts  the  Gray  Matter  contract.  I  just 
want  to  ask  you  if  there's  anything  in  your  office 
that  I  could  take  a  hand  in.  You  know  my  experi 
ence  and  qualifications.  Let  me  have  a  line. 

Yrs  in  haste, 

A.  R. 


36 


XXII. 

[An  editorial  in  LOZENGE  AND  PASTILLE.\ 

We  hear  that  Nicholas  Ribstone,  of  the  Ginger 
Cubes  Corporation,  has  sold  out  his  entire  interest 
in  the  much-touted  Cubes  to  the  National  Drug  Nov 
elties  Company.  This  comes  as  quite  a  surprise  to 
the  trade,  as  no  specialty  in  recent  years  had  aroused 
so  much  advance  interest  as  the  Ginger  Cubes.  The 
figure  paid  by  National  Drug  Novelties  for  the  form 
ula,  stock  in  hand,  and  jobbing  contracts  already  ar 
ranged,  is  said  to  be  half  a  million  dollars.  •  We  await 
with  interest  to  hear  just  how  Gartenbaum  and  his 
associates  will  develop  this  property.  In  the  mean 
time  the  affair  suggests  some  meditations  on  the  de 
sirability  of  guarding  the  medicated  confectionery 
industry  against  the  machinations  of  mere  adven 
turers  and  speculators. 


(Walk,    Not    Run, 
to   Nearest   Exit) 


37 


THIS  -BOOK  IS  DUE  ON  THE  LAST  DATE 
STAMPED  BELOW 


AN  INITIAL  FINE  OF  25  CENTS 

WILL  BE  ASSESSED  FOR  FAILURE  TO  RETURN 
THIS  BOOK  ON  THE  DATE  DUE.  THE  PENALTY 
WILL  INCREASE  TO  SO  CENTS  ON  THE  FOURTH 
DAY  AND  TO  $I.OO  ON  THE  SEVENTH  DAY 
OVERDUE. 


:FP  29  1» 


OCT  16 


AUb  1  %  1H70  1 

nuu    JL   J    \JfJ 

jLlftl/    *     „    ._,  „ 

wuv  1  8  1984 

RECEIVED 

BY 

NOV  i  b  iBd 

A 

CIRrillATiON  DEBT 

ft  J  :  f  ^     1    -      1QQA 

I   PbO 

TOLC*     JUN     2198fl 

LD  21-100w-7,'39(402s) 

cubes • 

J*fL29__l<(4: 

IOCT  i6 


961 
H864 


M170674 


THE  UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 


GENERAL  LIBRARY  -  U.C.  BERKELEY 


600083^^0 


